Today was our commencement ceremony for our graduates. One of my most prized days. I love it. I haven’t missed a commencement ceremony since I began my tenure in higher education, 15 years ago. Fifteen commencements. Thousands upon thousands of graduates. I love it. This one was different.
I am going to let my fingers do a tap dance on these keys and in a way verbally explode. Because I feel so many feelings about this commencement and don’t know how to organize my thoughts, but I want them to be out here and written.
A month or so ago, two deans of students jobs opened up. A job I would have killed for two or three years ago. A lifetime ago. Before Covid, before killing myself for our students and our college. I wanted so badly to be Dean Greene. The rhyme made me laugh, and I knew I would be great at that job. I still know I could be great at that job. Before I continue with a job I lusted for opening up, I have to take a few steps back.
Years ago, YEARS, I had the thought, the notion, I wanted out. I wanted out of higher education. I wanted to grow and learn and continue my professional path outside of higher ed, I just didn’t know how to make my skills translate. How do you go from student affairs to corporate? How does one do it?
Almost two years ago, I was approached to take on an opportunity in the operations at the college. This was perfect. This was my exit strategy. I would be able to learn skills in budgeting, project management, facilities, and the list goes on and on. This was it. This was how I would get out.
All the while, working on a PhD in higher education leadership. *Insert eyeroll*
When I transitioned to ops, I had some backhanded slaps about how people thought I had I heart for students, and couldn’t believe I was choosing a career path that wasn’t student-facing. But at the time, my student-centered heart hurt too much, and I needed a break from the tears and the yelling because at my level, I only got the angry students.
Cut to two years into my current role, where my student-facing colleagues know I love students, and I still get to see the best parts of our students and the student experience. Why does a student know an operations employee? Because I make myself known to them. Much of what I do impacts them. Why would I not constantly try to talk to them and find out what they want on their campus?
Tonight at commencement, I had so many students come to hug me, take pictures with me, and just let me express to them my pride in them. This leads me to the part of commencement when people told me they were sad they didn’t see my name applying for the dean of students job. Man, it took me a while to get here, but here I am. Not applying for what was once my dream job. I asked for advice from a lot of people, I was tormented over applying or not, I had the most anxiety. And in the end, I said no. It’s not worth it to me. Could I do it? Absolutely. Would it be good for MCC and the employees if I was chosen? Yes. Would it be good for Kim Greene? Absolutely not.
I could write a novel about why I chose not to apply. However, that’s personal and not needed here. What I will say is the only people who wanted me to apply, were people who would directly benefit, from me, being their leader, which is the biggest compliment and I am proud they feel that way about me. However, there wasn’t much consideration of how It would impact me or my goals. I could do it because I know how to lead people in student affairs. I know what needs to be done and how to do it. I know how to motivate people, and I know how to solve problems.
However, it’s not what I want for my future. I have an entire list of goals and backtracking to a set of skills I already have, isn’t it. Trying to lead a group of employees through a really negative culture, is also not it. I can do incremental changes, but I can’t fix a whole system. And at the end of the day, I’m not willing to harm myself in trying.
Tonight, I had a long conversation with a lifelong friend who didn’t know any of this. The position has already closed, I told her I am happy in my decision to not apply, knowing I will probably be sad when the new dean is chosen, knowing it could have been me. And she gave me the absolute best feedback and encouragement for my decision. She said, “This makes my heart happy Kim. I always knew you were smart, and too damn selfless. And this is such a good move. To any mid-20s woman looking for mentors who look to you as how to be a professional woman, isn’t this a strong statement without saying anything?”
And that is it. Sometimes, you choose yourself, you choose your family, you choose something else besides your job, as you should. A job is a job. And I can care about it and my people to a fault, but at this moment, I chose myself.
In this exact situation, at this exact time, Dean Greene isn’t in the cards. And I am so proud of myself for knowing what was right in front of me, as ripe as that fruit looked, was not the right decision.
