Tomorrow is my last first day of classes in student affairs for a bit. The first day of classes is my second favorite day in higher education (next to commencement). All the new students with their shiny shoes and new backpacks, their eyes to their schedules on their phones trying to find their classes. It’s so fun.
In two weeks, I am moving to the operations side of the college for a new adventure. To learn a different side of higher ed. Just like our students, I’m excited and scared and nervous. It’s totally different than anything I’ve ever done before.
So many people have been surprised by this move. I have received a lot of comments like, ‘I thought you really had a heart for students.’ It’s such a backhanded slap. But it’s fair. I have spent over a decade in this profession. I’m writing a dissertation on it.
Yes. I do have a huge heart for students. I’ve had thirteen first days of the fall semester. I’ve got them started. I’ve moved them through. I’ve tried my absolute hardest to make everything easier for them.
But the truth is, I’m tired. What no one tells you about the first day of classes is you have a lot of hard conversations, too. The students who come in with their schedule in hand, books purchased, and they didn’t make payment arrangements and their classes are no longer there.
The students who walk in to enroll the day before classes begin and it’s too late and you have to tell them no. And they have to tell their parents no. And you have to tell their parents no. Not yet. Not this semester. But perfect timing for next semester.
It doesn’t sound so bad right? To wait four months? Save up some money so you don’t have to work so many hours next semester while in classes?
It doesn’t sound so bad because I have perfected that speech. Years of tears, and being yelled at will make you perfect that speech. And that is just the first day. There are 16 more weeks of tears, and anger, and medical withdrawals, and home insecurities, and failed classes, the list goes on and on.
The thing is, I am good at that part of my job. I am great at dealing with angry parents and crying students. It’s my specialty.
But, I’m gonna say the thing no one wants to say. I’m tired. I’m tired of being yelled at. I’m tired of the tears.
The last year was hard. I worried so much about students not knowing what they were getting into with virtual and online classes. Messing up their financial aid with one bad semester. Killing myself (and our team) with phone calls and wellness checks to get the students through. Because we owed that to them. This wasn’t their perfect year either. But I got tired. I need a break. My student-centered heart hurts.
So I’m moving to another side of the college. Less student facing, but still serving a new campus community in a different way to help our students. I’m excited to work for our students in a new way. To have my student-centered eyes help our campus as a whole.
With the change, I’m also leaving my current campus. A team I worked to build. A team of people who entrusted me. I hired so many of them. A beautiful bunch of humans who I have grown with. I have lots more to say about them. The thought of leaving them made me never even want to apply for a new job.
I’m not saying I won’t be back in student affairs eventually. I’m not even saying I will always be in higher education. But this is a new and refreshing challenge for me. It’s going to be really hard. It is my first job in over a decade where I can honestly say, I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. But I think it’s going to be good for me. To grow in and understand higher education in a new way.
My first day, with all of the anxiety and new is coming in two weeks. Here we go.
